Tuesday, March 16, 2010

A Season of Dissonance

My dear friend and former roommate, Merari, was praying for me over the phone last week. She referred to the current "season" of my life as a season of dissonance. As she continued to pray, she correlated this season to a musical score and how the use of dissonance gives the listener a cue that a change is coming.

Webster's defines dissonance as:
1 a : lack of agreement; especially : inconsistency between the beliefs one holds or between one's actions and one's beliefs b : an instance of such inconsistency or disagreement
: a mingling of discordant sounds; especially : a clashing or unresolved musical interval or chord

Since early last year, I have been in transition. There have been many moves and changes. Though I have grown in a multitude of ways, my deepest growth has been in my trust and reliance on God.

On June 1st I moved from Franklin, TN to Orlando, FL. I spent three months there before moving to the Denver, CO area. Needless to say, nothing has been easy. It's been sad to see that many people I have loved and considered family have seemingly forgotten about me - out of sight, out of mind. It's been frustrating to feel "homeless", "restless", "forgotten"...For the first time in my life I have battled nearly debilitating depression - feeling I'd rather go to heaven than remain here. It's difficult to even share this part of the journey I've had over the past nine months & I'm certainly not sharing it in an attempt to gain sympathy. I want to share what God has done and is doing through this journey.

I can't express the thankfulness I have for my family, friends and Magellan! People (and pets) who have prayed for me ceaselessly, loved me continually, & supported me constantly. They truly believe in me and my desire to follow God - regardless of what it looks like or requires - whether they understand it or not. One thing God has shown me through this journey is what a true friend looks like. He's shown me what love is & He's healed me from the depression I was being oppressed by. He's an amazing God.

We all need those who will pray, love and trust us unconditionally. My prayer is that I am a friend/family member who exemplifies those qualities to those in my life.

The journey continues & as I've written before, God gave me the word "transformational" for 2010. Things are changing - in my heart, in my mind, in my emotions, in the physical realm around me along with the spiritual realm. Things have been dissonant. However, I believe God is the ultimate conductor of my life & that "mingling of discordant sounds; especially : a clashing or unresolved intervals" will come to an amazing climax & surprisingly fantastical resolve...as I continue to pursue Him with all I am...He is faithful & He continues to transform me - from glory to glory!

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